Knowing God for Myself

I recently learned of a horror that had me asking the age-old question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” To be honest, I angrily asked “Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?” To answer that question, I did what many of us do nowadays, I went to Google. I had hoped the search would indicate specific passages in the Bible that would answer the question. I did learn that this baffling question has a name: theodicy.

My search did not help in the way I thought it would. As usual, I was looking for THE ANSWER. Of course, Google returned with numerous results, but not THE ANSWER. One link I tried chastised me for being “angry with God.” How can a mere earthling be angry with God? This was an insufficient response. Another site said that any Bible-believing Christian should be able to answer the question. That response was inadequate. Other sites discussed how we learn and grow from pain. This was an inappropriate response for the situation. What I did discover is that THE ANSWER would not come from someone else.

These responses took me back to when Momma was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. One day as I sat in her hospital room while she slept, I cried. A family minister stopped by. Noticing my distress, he prayed with me and recited John 14:2. Because Jesus had prepared a place for Momma, the minister told me I should not be sorrowful. For days after, I felt as if I were betraying God and Momma by crying and that my sorrow was selfish. When we moved her to hospice, my aunt and the hospice director took me to a quiet corner and gave me permission to cry.

Both my recent Google search and remembering the minister’s visit have reinforced my need to know God and God’s Word for myself. I can look to others for answers, but I need to find, know, and understand for myself what God is saying and doing. I need to test what I am told against what the Bible tells me. That means reading the Bible, understanding the context in which it was written, and applying it to my life today. I need to go to the Bible first.

I still struggle with the horror that occurred to an innocent. I pray daily for healing and restoration in that situation. Knowing that I will never fully understand God’s ways, I am resting in this moment on Isaiah 55:8-9. And, in hindsight, I could’ve, should’ve responded to that minister that Jesus wept over Lazarus (John 11:35) and over the city of Jerusalem (Luke 19:41). Sorrow is a human emotion, as is anger.

For now, I am returning to the basics. When my daughter was a toddler, we listened to a cassette of the Cedarmont Kids singing Christian songs for children. One simple song, The B-I-B-L-E, is apropos for me now.

It is not my goal here to answer my opening question for you. You must find your own answer. In re-reading my journal, I came across this entry from August: “Before I seek solutions, be careful to seek God first.” So that is what I will do with this question and others. Where will I seek God? In the B-I-B-L-E. I will continue my journey to know God for myself.

Reflect: What is confusing or troubling in your life? Have you gone to God first? Have you searched God’s Word for yourself?