Ten years and seven months later, I miss my mother. Sometimes the pain of her absence is palpable. It comes unexpectedly, hitting like a sledgehammer to my heart. It washes over me like a storm surge, over and over. There is no escape. Who can I talk to? Who can I share this grief with? Who can understand that ten years is like yesterday? As a child who has fallen and skinned her knee, I cry “I want my Momma!”
Today’s unexpected storm came as I reminisced about that day she and I took a hot air balloon ride together. Tears welled up. The sledgehammer struck its blow. The grief surged over me.
Isaiah 66:13 reminds me that God is there to comfort me when my mother cannot. While God may not physically hug me, He sends His comfort in distinct and tangible ways. His comfort comes in how I remember her. His comfort comes from those who remind me how she touched them. They tell me how she mentored, coached, and influenced them. His comfort comes from family and dear friends who support me now as my mother did then. My aunts have stepped into that “mother” role of bragging about me and cheering me in my new ventures.
As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you. (Isaiah 66:13 NIV)
Surprisingly, as I continued replaying that hot air balloon ride, the storm broke. The tears stopped. A smile replaced the sledgehammer. God sent His comfort, replacing the longing brought by the memory with the joy evoked by that memory. I remembered Momma and me bolstering each other’s nerves as we apprehensively stepped into the basket. I remembered the pilot’s instructions to us as the balloon lifted. I remembered the sights we shared soaring over the countryside. I remembered the traditional champagne toast when we landed. I was comforted by the memory of the fun we had and the thrill of adventure we felt.
Prayer: Dear Father who art in Heaven, Thank you for my mother. More importantly, thank you for matching me with her. She was the best! Amen.
Dear Sabrina,
While I truly miss my sister, your mother, for her love and mentoring, this blog reminds me of how much I loved travelling with her. She was adventurous and I loved going wherever she decided to go. She planned our (my sister Lynne, too) trips to Alaska and Hawaii and it was wonderful. I would have loved to be on that mother-daughter trip. I’ve always wanted to ride in a hot-air balloon. Thanks for sharing, Sabrina-cakes. I loved it and, I love you!
As I have heard all my life, you don’t miss your water until your well runs dry. This is the case with my father. He was my rock. He always was there when I needed him and even when I didn’t think I needed him. His departure from this life left a real void in my life. I never look to fill it and don’t like to feel it. But as you have so elegantly stated God is always there.