Spill the Tea, Part I: Personal Tea

Spill the T (or tea). I first heard this phrase watching a TV “reality” show. I eventually learned that T stands for “truth.” Spill the T originally referred to sharing a personal or closely held fact or truth about one’s self. The phrase eventually expanded to sharing personal information about someone else, that is, gossip.

Does the Bible give me wisdom on spilling tea? I know of many proverbs that warn of spilling someone else’s tea, that is, gossip tea. But what guidance does God have on spilling my personal tea? In Part I, I want to examine spilling my own tea. In Part II, I will share my thoughts on spilling gossip tea.

When I read Nehemiah 2:12 recently, the second sentence spoke volumes to me: “I set out during the night with a few others. I had not told anyone what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem.” (NIV) Nehemiah was in Jerusalem for three days and kept his own counsel. He was not inclined to tell anyone of the plans God had put on his heart. Although he arrived with enough resources to fix Jerusalem’s walls and gates (Nehemiah 2:8), he told no one. (Can you imagine the size of the caravan?) He took time to reconnoiter the perimeter. He waited for the right time to spill his tea, that is, God’s plan for Jerusalem. From this, I propose these considerations before I spill my tea.

With whom will I share? By keeping a close hold on his Godly plans, Nehemiah kept his enemies, who did not want Jerusalem rebuilt, in the dark. I also surmise that since he had only recently arrived in Jerusalem, Nehemiah did not know who could be trusted. Nehemiah eventually spilled his tea with the Jews, priests, nobles, officials, and any others who would be doing the work (Nehemiah 2:16-17). Nehemiah chose to share his vision with those persons who were ready to work. Like Nehemiah, it behooves me to be selective with whom I spill my tea. Everybody does not need to know. Everybody does not wish me well. Will the person I tell keep my tea or rush out to spill gossip tea about me? Is that person one I can trust to give wise counsel? Will the people with whom I share support me? I need to be sure that when I share an inspiration from God or a need for counsel, I chose the right person.

Why will I share? When Nehemiah finally spilled his tea, it was to glorify God, not himself. It was to fulfill God’s plan. At no point in this story did Nehemiah share his plans for his own elevation. I, too, need to ask myself why I am spilling my tea. Am I slyly seeking compliments or exalting myself? Let’s be honest—sometimes we spill our tea to stroke our own vanity. Am I spilling my tea to bolster someone else’s spirit with a shared experience or to bring them low? Am I spilling my tea because I need wise counsel? Do I need help in accomplishing a God-inspired goal? Does my spilt tea bring me or someone else closer to God? Am I spilling for the right reason?

When will I share? Nehemiah finally shared the plans God put on his heart after his reconnoitering activities. After arriving in Jerusalem, he kept quiet. After three days, he examined the damage to the city’s walls and gates. Only after this strategic observation did he spill his tea. What if he had shared before examining the walls? I can imagine such a conversation if Nehemiah had shared as soon as he arrived:

• Nehemiah: “Let’s go rebuild the walls and gates.”
• They: “And you are…?”
• Nehemiah: “Nehemiah, King Artaxerxes’ cup bearer.“
• They: “Sooo, that makes you the boss here? Have you seen the damage to the walls and gates?”
• Nehemiah: “Not yet, but we can do this.“
• They: “Man, go sit down somewhere. You haven’t seen it? What do you know?“

I propose that his personal examination of the walls gave him a level of credibility. Only after seeing for himself what was required did he share. Following Nehemiah’s example, I need to carefully consider the best time to spill my tea. Have I sought God’s counsel to act? Am I ready for the consequences of sharing because inevitably some action will be required, even if I am seeking advice? When I spill my tea, am I ready to move?

Bottom line, everybody does not need to know everything all the time. When I decide to spill my T, I need to ensure I choose the right time to share the right information with the right person for the right reason.

Reflection: Have you found that information you shared with a “friend” was on the gossip network? Did you spill your tea with the wrong person? How do you decide when and with whom you share your vision? Your fears? Your future plans?