Stepping into Forgiveness

When I walked out of the house, I was horrified. The yard man I hired had done exactly what I told him not to do; he had cut down the sunflower plants my daughter had sown from seeds. Two had already reached four feet. Others were around the two feet level. I was livid, nay incensed, once I processed the devastation; it takes sunflowers nearly three months or longer to reach bloom. His words of apology fell on deaf ears.

I called my daughter to warn her about the loss and to have her join in my anger. I called my aunt to complain about the yard man. I then posted my lament on social media, seeking sympathy for my plight. All who read it concurred with my annoyance. Every time I read that post, it and the comments fueled my indignation and justified my anger.

On the other hand, the word “forgive” kept swirling around my mind. I knew I had to climb from the valley of anger to the mountaintop of forgiveness. I knew in my heart that retaining that anger was damaging. In Rev. Dr. Mara Lief Crabtree’s two-part series on forgiveness, she described the impact of forgiveness on the well-being—spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically—of both the injured party and the offender.[1] She labeled unforgiveness as a “deadly moral poison.”[2] I have enough health issues; I do not need to add the debilitating effects of a deadly moral poison. I must step into forgiveness.

As I looked at that social media post the next day, God told me that my first step to forgiveness was to delete it. As I took my morning walk, I debated why I should leave it up:

• Argument 1: I was strong enough to reach forgiveness even while reading and rereading and rereading that post and comments.
• Argument 2: Deleting it would be disrespectful to those persons who had commented.
• Argument 3: It was just a chronicle of an event. I would get over it soon enough.

I was debating with God. Are you laughing as much as God did?

• Counter 1: Can I reach forgiveness when I admitted that rereading the post reignited my anger?
• Counter 2: Social media posts pass quickly. I doubt if any who had commented would search for that post again. Or, if they did reach out to me, I would respond honestly why I took the post down.
• Counter 3: I do not need to chronicle every event on social media. As I have mentioned in another post, everybody does not need to know everything all the time.[3]

So, yes, I was obedient to God. I deleted the post from social media. Letting it go is a crucial step in forgiveness. I did not need to replay the incident over and over. I felt better because I did what God asked, and I knew it was part of my healing process. I am still very sad that my plants were destroyed, but I feel lighter. Accepting the apology is another step. The plants cannot be replaced, but the yard man was sincerely contrite. I believe acknowledging his apology helped him as much as me.

Granted, some hurts and pains are much deeper than a lost sunflower—rifts, disagreements, and betrayals among family, friends, partners, neighbors, church members. Regardless, forgiveness is a free-will choice as Crabtree stated.[4] I can choose either to let the hurt continue to poison me or to save my mind, soul, and body with forgiveness. If God can forgive me, I can forgive others. I choose to take the initial steps toward forgiveness.

Reflection: Consider Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:14-15 (NVRSUE), “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” What steps can you take to reach forgiveness for a past hurt so that you can remain in God’s graces?

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[1] Crabtree, Rev. Dr. Mara Lief. 2019. “Forgiveness: An Open Door to Healing.” Sharing: A Journal of Christian Healing. Two-part series—Part 1 was in the July/August issue and Part 2 in the September/October issue.

[2] Ibid.

[3] See Spill the Tea, Part I-Personal Tea

[4] Ibid.